


Stars Gazing

by TwiExMachina



Series: Ryomarx Week/I'll-get-them-out-when-I-have-the-time 2017 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Stardust, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Star!Xander, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:17:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwiExMachina/pseuds/TwiExMachina
Summary: The five times Xander watched over humanity and the one time humanity watched over him.For Ryomarx Week prompt Together/Serene.





	Stars Gazing

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this [Stardust!AU](http://twiexmachina.tumblr.com/tagged/What-Stars-Do) really just as an excuse to write Xander glowing and fluff. It got angsty. Fairly quickly.
> 
> Some parts are just allusions to the movie without going into details because...well, this isn't the fic for that and not the focus, so I hope no one gets thrown off by 'goat' and 'lightning pirates' just roll with it.

1.

The scene: In the depths of the galaxy, brothers and sisters at his side. Humanity had called him many names in many languages. He preferred “Xander”. He liked how it was written in the constellations. He was also fond of being a he. Stars weren’t anything other than light in some shifting form, but they picked things up from the earth that rotated below them.

Stars watched humanity, watched them live, watched them die, he was always watching and learning. Xander learned he loved humanity. They had their flaws, they waged wars, they hated, they killed. But they loved so beautifully, they cared, they adored, they flourished and in the constellation he called his family he was in awe of them. 

He watched them grow, watched them develop, watched them build a wall to forget about the magic and create their own magic with steam and electricity and technology that drowned out the stars themselves. But even as they developed, Xander watched them and he loved them.

He watched above them all, admired all of them, until the day he was torn out of the sky and fell to earth.

 

2.

The scene: Xander, on earth, fallen in a silver crater. His leg was broken, he didn’t know why he was not in the sky, and he was bound by a chain to a stupid human with absurd hair who wanted to give him to his best friend because she would find it hilarious.

Xander was not happy.

The human oaf Ryoma was asleep. The moon was high and Xander was wide awake. Xander tried chewing the chain off and magic made his teeth ache. So now he had absolutely nothing to do. Xander glanced at Ryoma where he was curled on the ground. Xander stood as best as he was able and limped over to Ryoma before he collapsed again. He sat and stared at Ryoma as he slept.

He was an ugly thing, wild hair and a boring face. He had stern eyebrows. He snored a bit. He drooled a lot. But still Xander stared, stared until Ryoma seemed to realize he was watched and opened his eyes. “What are you,” he started and yawned. “What are you doing?”

“Watching you.”

“Okay…Why?” He spoke slowly. He sounded so dull.

“I’ve absolutely nothing better to do.”

“Have you tried…sleeping?”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“Yes…I realize. That’s why I’m asleep.”

“I’m a star. I’m traditionally awake at night.”

Ryoma groaned and rubbed his face. “Does that mean you’re going to want to be asleep when the sun goes up?”

“Yes.”

Ryoma groaned again, louder. Xander mocked the noise. Immature. He didn’t care. Ryoma glared at him. “Fine. Watch creepily. Just let me sleep.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Ryoma almost started again before he pressed his face into his pillow. “Couldn’t find something better to do,” Ryoma muttered.

“You act like I want to stare at your ugly face.”

Xander watched Ryoma sleep all night and the following days of their journey he still stared at his ugly face as he slept.

 

3.

The scene: Xander stood, shaking in a bathrobe in a field that once held an inn. A unicorn found Xander and broke the magical chain and Xander found himself in the company of flamboyant innkeeper and an irate goat. He was pampered, his leg healed and he truly felt relaxed and and safe and even glowing again.

Then Ryoma burst in and Xander had to fight off the innkeeper Izana trying to carve his heart out. Ryoma took a sword off the wall and killed him, bursting lightning through the room, through the ceiling, through Ryoma himself, burning his arm and blowing half of his clothes off. Not one arc of lightning came near Xander.

Xander was still shaking as the inn—apparently created by magic—faded to nothing. He stared at the sword that fell far from Ryoma, spitting out bolts of lightning that just charred the grass. He looked back to where Ryoma laid on the ground, unconscious. Half his shirt was gone and his right arm was burnt, a searing red lightning bolt stretching from his wrist to his shoulder. Xander kept staring at that. He’d bare that mark forever. He’d bare a scar that he received saving Xander’s life.

Xander looked away and covered his mouth. He should go. Keep moving while the moon was high.

Thunder rumbled. Xander looked up and saw storm clouds. He looked back down at Ryoma. He had been annoying. Every sentence out of his mouth when he burst into the inn was about Xander. “Let go of Xander” “Xander run” “I’m coming Xander” “Are you okay Xander”

A drop of rain fell on Xander’s nose. It startled him. He looked back at Ryoma, his open and raw wound out in the air. Xander walked over to Ryoma and fell on his knees next to him. He made sure his body was over Ryoma’s arm, his head over Ryoma’s face. Could humans drown from being face up in the rain? Xander didn’t know. He wouldn’t try to find out.

Rain fell with little prelude. Not one drop fell on Ryoma’s arm. Ryoma slept underneath Xander. His breathing was not as steady as it was when he was asleep at night, pained, a noise that shivered in his throat. He seemed smaller, his skin lost its color, weak. Xander wished he could do more for him.

Rain soaked him, drops fell down Xander’s hair against Ryoma’s cheeks but still he didn’t stir so Xander didn’t move.

Xander stayed over him until the lightning pirates sent down a lifeboat and helped Ryoma, but even still he refused to be far from the human that saved his life.

 

4.

The scene: A floating port town that the lightning pirates were stopping for a few days. Ryoma had mostly recovered. He had slept for a couple days, and when he finally woke he looked at Xander, poked the very bottom of his deep v-neck and muttered “cleavage”. Xander almost hit him, but immediately after that he held Xander’s wrist and asked if he was okay. If he was safe. 

Ryoma had learned to use that cursed sword in the meantime and Xander enjoyed being halfway home. But they had to land at some point. Ryoma was near kissing the ground when they arrived. He quickly got over it and turned to Xander. “You’ve never been in a town before, have you?”

“I’ve seen them.”

Ryoma nodded. “Did they seem interesting?”

“They were where the people were. I always found them interesting to look down on. Of course, they’re very still at night most of the time.”

“Until the bars close, I’m sure.” Xander tilted his head and Ryoma took his arm. “Do you want to see the people here?”

“Yes. I would.”

“Let’s go to a bar then.”

“Okay.”

Ryoma smiled at him, pulled him gently. “You’ll get the real human experience. There’s nothing more human than drinking with friends and sharing stories and making fun of all the others.”

Xander’s lips twitched a bit and he followed Ryoma until he found the bar. Xander expected to stay with Ryoma the entire time. But as soon as they entered, he went to the barkeep and ended up with a small crowd, a woman gasping as she admired his scarred arm, a man clasped his shoulder and laughed and asked for Ryoma to tell the tale. 

Xander stayed at the far wall, arms crossed and glaring at Ryoma. It’s not like Xander wanted to be with Ryoma or anything, he just didn’t want to be left alone. Xander didn’t like Ryoma. He was annoying. They weren’t friends. Not at all. Ryoma didn’t even look back at Xander, he was too preoccupied with being popular. Xander could feel the negativity darkening his heart, drawing in light. He hadn’t glowed since falling and now he was getting dark. Ryoma was horrible, it was all his fault.

“Hey there.” Xander jumped. Someone who wasn’t Ryoma was talking to him. It was still a novelty. Xander stared at the young man in front of him. He slowly smiled. “You look lonely. And you’re far to pretty to be alone.”

Xander flushed. “Ah…”

The man gestured over his shoulder. “You can sit with my friends, if you like.”

Xander looked at a small table with two others. He glanced at Ryoma. “That sounds nice.” He followed the man over to the table. They bought him a drink and he talked with them. They were all friends but it was all too easy to be a part of their conversation. He still was ignorant to being among humans, but it was a joy to be around them, to not see from a distance, to be among them and hear stories that brought laughs and hear those laughs resonate.

For near an hour he drank, for an hour he enjoyed himself, could feel himself lightening until one story made him cover his mouth and nearly laugh and he could feel that star glow haloing around his face. It was the happiest he had truly felt in a while, after falling, after Ryoma was injured. It was refreshing. 

The conversations trailed off and Xander looked up, found them staring. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing. Do you want me to get another drink?”

Xander stared into his mug and thought. He liked beer. It made him warm, head lighter. It made conversation easier. “I’d appreciate that, however I still don’t have money.”

“Ah,” he said, like he realized something. He waved his hand. “Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’ve got it for you.”

The drink he bought back tasted different. Xander kept rubbing his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He felt something stuck to it, maybe. His table’s conversations faded further and further and he did not feel like he was in his body anymore.

Then he came back. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t move, but he could hear voices. He did not know who was talking. Someone was pressing against his chest. It was a firm, warm press. It was comforting. Something sharp tickled against his chest and that was uncomfortable. But in the haze it didn’t matter. It didn’t feel bad. The voices kept talking and there were no words.

The warmth disappeared and a new voice he didn’t recognize started. No, he realized that he heard Ryoma. He couldn’t forget Ryoma, his deep voice, his commanding voice. He couldn’t hear his voice, but he was there. Xander tried to open his eyes. It was so difficult, he just wanted to fade away again. But he opened his eyes.

He saw a knife. It shined in the moonlight. It was almost pretty so close to his face. He stared at the point for a few seconds before he realized what the knife meant. They wanted to cut his heart out. They wanted to kill him. They wanted to eat his heart. He whined and pushed back against the wall he was propped up against. He wanted to run. He couldn’t. Just that feeble movement was monumental. 

There was a bright light and he closed his eyes. He thought he might’ve fallen asleep again. He felt hands on his face and whined again, no he didn’t want to die. But then he heard Ryoma speaking. Ryoma, who had saved his life. He tried saying his name and his tongue flicked against his teeth and there was no sound. “Xander,” Ryoma said. “Xander, can you hear me, are you with me?”

Xander blinked at him. 

Ryoma cursed and pulled Xander onto his back. “You made some shitty friends there,” he muttered.

Ryoma carried Xander back to the ship, and Xander knew that the humanity he loved so dearly would kill him an alley for the light of immortality without a second thought.

 

5.

The scene: Later that night, actually. Or maybe it was the next day. Xander had been sleeping off his drug and when he woke he fell back asleep. His tongue felt like it was cotton. His clothes felt too heavy. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he was nearly killed. For a second time. A mage attempted to kill him, then a simple man in a bar. Just because he was a star. They seemed so lovely from the sky. But they weren’t. And the thoughts repeated, circled, again and again and again and it wouldn’t stop, there was no way to separate himself from that. 

The door to his cabin opened. He raised his head as Ryoma walked in. “Hey, you’re awake,” he greeted softly.

Xander didn’t respond.

Ryoma went over to Xander’s bed and stood in front of him. He was so close. Xander looked at his hands to see if there was a knife. He only held a glass of water. That didn’t make him feel any better. “How do you feel? I have water. I was a bartender before, you know, so I know how to help when…” he let out a breath, “when people get roofied. So here.” He held out the glass. “You’re dehydrated.”

Xander took the water. He drank it. It tasted stale. He blinked and stared at the glass.

“I can’t believe that that happened to you, Xander. Like…I can’t believe they almost killed you in an alley. I never would’ve expected that, it’s just…horrible.”

But it wasn’t, was it? It was only natural. “You don’t understand what I am.”

Ryoma seemed surprised. “You’re a star.”

“And do you know what stars do?”

“Be…incredibly annoying at times?”

“Do you know what star’s hearts do?”

“Beat?”

Xander sighed and leaned back against the wall. “You’re from beyond the wall. What do you know of magic and the hearts of stars?” He closed his eyes. He turned his cup in his hand, let the glass slide against his skin. “A star’s heart when eaten will give immortality. It’s that simple. The brilliant light of life when eaten will enrich them, will keep them young. So those men, that mage, wanted to cut out my heart and eat it. They wanted to live forever.” He opened his eyes and looked at Ryoma. “And what of you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know about my heart now. Do you want it too, like everyone else?”

Ryoma looked sick. “No, Xander, no.”

“It isn’t tempting at all?” Xander took Ryoma’s hand and placed it on his chest, tucked his fingers under the slit of his shirt so he could feel his bare skin. “Living forever, eternal life.”

“Xander—”

“You saved my life. Twice now, technically. I owe you. You could take it if you wanted. I wouldn’t fight. So will you?”

“Xander, no, no. I wouldn’t ever. Xander, I saved your life, why would I want to kill you?”

“What if it wasn’t me? Just some star you didn’t know?”

“Xander, I’m not killing you or anybody else and eating your hearts, stop thinking I would.”

“Everyone else would.” His hand started shaking where it held Ryoma’s waist. “So why not you?”

Ryoma stared at Xander a long moment. His face softened and he sighed. “Move over.”

“What?”

“Move over.” He pushed Xander to the side, pressed him so he was against the wall on his side and laid down next to him. He put the water glass behind his head. “I’m staying here for the night.”

Xander swallowed and spoke. His voice had none of the bite it did before, just sounded exhausted. “What are you doing?”

“I told you, I’m staying the night.” Xander pressed his lips together and glared down at Ryoma. Ryoma looked at him and sighed. “I have four younger siblings. They’ve all visited me in the middle of the night whenever they had nightmares. I’ve missed that now that they’re older. They may be adults and teenagers, but everyone has nightmares, and nobody really wants to be alone during those.” He took Xander’s hand and squeezed it. “This maybe isn’t a nightmare, but I’ll still stay with you during it.”

Xander stared down at Ryoma. “I won’t be able to sleep you know. It’s still night.”

“I know. But if I can stay with you and give you some comfort, I will.”

Xander scoffed and glared at where he held his hand. It felt like presentation.

“I don’t want to live forever,” Ryoma said quietly. “Everyone’s afraid of death. Seeing my parents die young…you’d think that make me more fearful of death but it doesn’t. They were happy. They had a good life. And that’s what I want. I want to grow old and be happy. But even if I wanted to live forever, I wouldn’t kill you or anybody else.” He squeezed Xander’s hand. “You’re safe. I’m sorry that I basically kidnapped you, but I won’t let anyone else hurt you. You will keep your heart.” Ryoma looked up at him, looked down at their hands. He rubbed his thumb against his knuckles. He let out a slow breath. “So…good night, Xander.”

Xander watched as he fell asleep. Xander couldn’t trust. Two knives glinting near his chest, there was no room for trust. Humanity wanted him dead, wanted his heart. 

But not Ryoma. Ryoma, holding his hand, sleeping next to him. He wanted to keep Xander safe.

Xander relaxed as he watched Ryoma and he started to shine a bit looking at his sleeping face.

 

+1

The scene: Ryoma had Xander back. They met his father and he tried to claw Xander’s heart out with his own fingers. He wasn’t the star that Xander knew, dark, drawing light in and desperate to live at the expense of his son. And in the middle of the night, Ryoma woke and Xander was gone, chased after his father to give him his heart.

And Ryoma went after him. Xander wasn’t the same when he found him, withdrawn, not himself. He had barely spoken. Ryoma snapped at him at first, so concerned he was angry, asked why he would go to Garon. Xander had put his hand over his heart and rubbed the scars. He said he thought it would be the best use for him. And Ryoma broke a bit. Ryoma didn’t push anymore, but he kept checking up on him. Just in case he decided to leave again, go after his father and whatever he thought he needed to do.

Xander came into Ryoma’s bedroll without saying a word, wrapped an arm around Ryoma and shook slightly. His eyebrows were pressed together and he was so stiff he looked pained. Ryoma rubbed his head, ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, Xander, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going to leave. Did you remember that I promised you’d keep your heart? I’ll get you back into the sky, I’ll make sure you’ll be with your family. You’ll be safe.” It almost hurt to think about that. He had enjoyed Xander’s company, the slow bonding from bantering to whatever they called their friendship now. He enjoyed seeing him soften, seeing those odd times when he glowed. But Xander wasn’t human. He was a star. And he deserved to be home. “I’ll get you home,” he said, running his fingers through Xander’s hair. Xander shivered and closed his eyes. His hair shone a bit. Ryoma expected it to be softer as the light fuzzed the edges, to feel like it was gentler. 

He kept stroking Xander’s hair as he fell asleep. He did not sleep, watched over Xander and made sure he stayed, made sure he slept soundly.

**Author's Note:**

> Obligatory second link to my [Stardust!AU](http://twiexmachina.tumblr.com/tagged/What-Stars-Do).  That’s also my tumblr so feel free to stop by and scream about Ryomarx I’m always up for screaming.


End file.
